Come to think of it, if it’s true that I was experiencing moderate-grade trauma from not being diagnosed and not integrating socially or economically (probably between high school graduation and just before diagnosis 2000-2018)…

… then this might explain why I felt so bad about avoiding friends/relatives to visit them. I felt out of place to visit because I didn’t have the average accomplished life as they did. So, I didn’t visit hardly at all on my own (I did go with my parents to visit relatives modestly). The whole time, all those years.. as you described that’s how I felt.

I knew I could visit. But I also felt why I knew I couldn’t..

My…. This hits a nerve quite deep… that I haven’t covered yet in writing.