Oh, how the tides and times have changed. As trauma unfolds, you may be able to find solace by comparing what your life was like before and after key events. On January 19, 2023, I gave my first autism presentation for the second time to my healthcare provider. This event was a virtual town hall where experts from all across their mental health division participated. I can still remember how hopeful this made me feel.
It filled me with optimism that a major corporate entity would witness from an autistic adult some of the key issues we were facing. I reached this moment thanks to discovering that autism was neurological in origin. This helped me realize it was, in fact, a major influence in my life. After the town hall, though, my care provider seemed disinterested in my continued input. So I tried to distract from the dejection this made me feel.
At the time, my community only recognized impaired autistic children. Now that I had actual awareness of autism, I felt more excluded. Not included. I decided to publish writings on each day of April to represent autistic adults. I called it “Welcome to the Autism Experience.” I just wanted to belong as part of society. Not to be ignored as an adult. Unfortunately, on April 5th, all of my hopes came crashing down.
I had asked for a meeting with the regional director of operations for the facility where I received my mental health care. This director was the one who facilitated the virtual town hall in January. Believing I had her support, I made sure she knew what I needed to discuss beforehand. I started to suspect autistic adults needed accommodations with employment. Instead of hearing me out, she shut me down by dominating the conversation.
Any optimism I felt since January vanished. “The Depth of My Despair” was evident the very next day. I desperately needed a positive outcome from giving my presentation, so much so that this left me in agony. Both presentation opportunities with my care provider were a once-in-a-lifetime chance to boost autism awareness at a major non-profit corporation. I did not feel that I had failed. They failed me. They failed us.
One year later, and my life now could not be more different than it was then. It is difficult to talk about. On April 26th, I discovered I had missed something far more important than actual autism awareness. Mine had been neglected so late into adulthood that I never got the help I needed to integrate economically. Then, on June 8th, I uncovered the repressed trauma from this and it shredded my mental health. Now I know why.
People often encouraged me to regard my late diagnosis as positive. So I never took the damage it caused seriously, and it made matters worse. At the end of July, I did find something else that was equally important. I found a video that summarized Dr. Damian Milton’s Double Empathy Problem Theory. Using his research as a guide, I sat down and figured out four basic occupational accommodations I would need.
On October 24th, I submitted my request via letter to that same director. I had no choice but to wait. To document how difficult it was, I did a one-time journaling project. But when the New Year came, there was still no progress in getting my care provider to advocate for or take either of the accommodations seriously. Then, on February 13, 2024, I got news I dreaded might happen. I was discharged. From all mental health services.
The effect this discriminatory act has had on me over the last two months is something I believe I should no longer hide. My mental health is digressing. I am experiencing some of the worst symptoms I have ever had. Prolonged periods of emotional exhaustion, suicide ideations several times a week after some of which I have thought out partial plans, sleep deprivation, and something that started happening in December.
Wherever I go in public, I look around, and I am unable to keep from feeling as if I am too late. I am 42 years old. I know what the solution is. I asked my former care provider to accommodate it: Monotropism Employment Theory. They cut off my mental health care. If ever there was better evidence that the past mattered, it is right here. Facilitated economic integration is vital for late-diagnosed autistic adults — to survive.
The clock ;s ticking…
#LetThatThinkIn
Welcome to the new Autism Experience.
