Or, after my 2018 relapse in which I overthought the concept of suicide, I’ve since felt that I’m trapped here now. I know if I end it, that’s it. No going back. You’re gone. But I wanted out. So, this had the effect of making me characterize my life since then as being trapped.

Trapped by knowing that suicide is not going to make me feel better but I continue to live in an existence rife with suffering that suicide is not an option to consider.

Truly a twisted and miserable existence, speaking from experience..