In July 2022, an identity crisis revealed that autism has been a consistent neurological influence in my life. This is in stark contrast to agencies such as the CDC, which do not count adults diagnosed as autistic. In August 2019, my late diagnosis also proved that the intellectually unimpaired have not been taken seriously for developmental setbacks. If we were, more autistic people would have been diagnosed sooner and with fewer issues.
I have failed to integrate into society soon enough because autism has not been accepted as a legitimately different neurotype. As a result, the strain has caused no fewer than four potentially fatal suicide experiences and 30 years of severe depression. I can no longer deny the impact this has had on my life. In order for our quality of life to improve, autism must be accepted and accommodated as soon as possible.
One factor has consistently stopped my development as an autistic adult: employment. I have been productive enough to hold a job for as long as four years. Despite earning a necessary income, though, each job was increasingly depressing. I was being declined after so many job interviews that I suspected my communication was somehow affecting the outcome. No reasons have ever been given to explain why I was not selected.
Then, in 2016, I was fired from my last job for what I later learned was autistic behavior. At age 35, my life felt so dysfunctional that I was close to another suicide attempt. To survive, I had to address my mental health, but it took too long. I also stopped applying for work because everything felt meaningless. I had no idea it was already too late to recover. My discredited issues with employment had ruined my life.
Now I have to take my mental health seriously. My thinking is driven by monotropism. As established by autistic experts, monotropism has a stronger subconscious pull toward special interests. It is not recognized by employers, employment services, or care providers. So I have to suppress it. I am expected to avoid my own subconscious behavior, which is impossible to do. Autism has no off switch. This is why it hurts my mental health.
At age 41, my work history is too inconsistent for competitive employment. The kind of job I want as an autism ambassador does not exist. According to Inclusion, Disability and Culture, 2017, Vol. 3, Ch. 19, “Research suggests that even in the developed countries adults with autism experience higher rates of unemployment than almost all other disability groups.” I have been unemployed since 2016.
I cannot walk away from who I am, nor can I avoid this anymore. My late diagnosis has ruined my life. My trauma and continued inability to integrate into society have nearly broken my mental health. I have not moved out yet. My parents’ aging health puts my living situation at risk of collapsing. I have zero future financial stability. Employers do not accept autism’s legitimate differences and can easily discriminate against us.
After five years, two great case managers, three capable general counselors, and several psychiatrists, I have made no progress. Why? Autism and monotropism are simply incompatible with the way society is run. I can fail at virtually any interview. I have been unemployed for too long. The longer I am in denial about this, the further away from any functional life I get — every single day. I cannot live like this.
Employers, health care providers, funding agencies, government agencies, and society in general can no longer deny the truth. The lack of autism acceptance is ruining the quality of our lives. The struggles of my life prove what happens if autism is not accepted, accommodated, or diagnosed soon enough. If autism is not accommodated according to our input, I will suffer the consequences of my late diagnosis.
Keep in mind that I am not the only one. I have found so many autistic people worldwide who are forced to blend in just to get by each day. Some have to self-diagnose to protect their mental health and reputation. I got fired from my last job because I had no idea I was autistic. I do not trust that it will not happen again to me or any other autistic person. These are not excuses to be lazy. This is the reality of what our lives are actually like.
Without being accepted, we cannot face this alone. Every day, adults are diagnosed by professionals. Yet we are not even counted by the CDC. Health care providers, like the one I have already given my autism presentation to twice, need to step up. Employers and service providers need to stop discriminating against intellectually unimpaired autistic people. Such a high unemployment rate is proof you cannot afford to ignore us anymore.
As a suicide attempt survivor, I am damn lucky to be alive. I am also very lucky that I have learned an important lesson about denial and autism. Not knowing I was autistic soon enough and autism not being accepted by society have destroyed my chances of having a financially meaningful future. It may be too late for me, but I am still here, trying. The time for autism acceptance is now.
There are also millions of marginalized autistic people who need to be taken a lot more seriously than they have been…
#EndAutismDenial
We Need to Take Autistic Women Seriously, Part 5.
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