Last night, I published the conclusion of my Autism and Denial Series, “The Divide That Determines Our Future, Part 8,” and was emotionally exhausted. I came across a mental health professional I follow who shared her experience of being bullied for simply having ADHD. The self-appointed critic concluded their tantrum by accusing her of “purposely labeling yourself as disabled to fake being oppressed.” This is what we are up against.
I just spent four grueling months processing and two months laboring to document a serious discovery about my life. A discovery that unleashed a tide of ferocious trauma. Is it fake? Worse. It is real. I am no longer masking the truth about autism and cannot ignore what I know. Institutions are too prejudiced and powerful to achieve changes when we need them. Now, everything for me is on the line.
No one willingly endures, let alone wants to cope with, serious trauma. It hurts so deeply that you feel it in your bones. Trust me. Trauma survivors know. I knew being in denial was not healthy. I did what I felt was best and coped with my late diagnosis. However, I feel like I have opened Pandora’s Box. I cannot make up for 20 years of lost time that I needed to integrate into society. As a result, in some respects, I am screwed.
I am too late to establish an adequate retirement plan. I am too late to have kids as early as I wanted to. Every time I see anyone my age who does, I am filled with enough despair that I want to disappear. The prospect of going on SSI or minimum wage employment feels so meaningless that I have scarce motivation to stay. You read that right. I will be 42 in October, childless, and alienated from a non-autistic society.
Keep in mind that many autistic behavioral traits can either get you fired from your job or declined after interviews. Do I trust that I will not be discriminated against? Nope. Why trust a status quo that has made it harder for me to get somewhere in life? I am left with a life-changing truth that is too much to bear, and I never had a contented or ordinary reality to begin with. You cannot blue-pill yourself back into denial. That is not how life works.
If I did not have the living arrangement with my aging parents, which I am lucky to have, I would not still be here. I know several autistic people who are single and in unsteady living situations. They are struggling and could give up at any time. If I feel that way here, they are in much worse shape than me. This is why I have been increasingly assertive. Actual autistic people’s lives are at stake. Precious life.
I have seen some mental health professionals decry that diagnostic parameters are too broad. Some have expressed or implied their desire to pull some of the modern diagnoses back. I am sure the same thing was said about slaves on plantations when they first tried to run away. ‘Wish we could pull them back.’ I can think of no better way to analogize the heartless prejudice we are facing. Step into our shoes and live the truth about being autistic.
You will know that our lives are not fake performances of oppression. Read my 8-part Autism and Denial Series. None of us wants to barely get by each day financially, let alone emotionally. We just want to live happy and normal lives. Imagine those of us who have intellectual or physical disabilities, such as not being able to walk or see. Heed my words of caution and warning. The clock is ticking…
As long as neurotypal prejudice rules over society’s institutions and governing bodies, one statistic will remain as high as it is anticipated to be.
#LetThatThinkIn
Welcome to the next Autism Experience.
Parental Recognition Is Important Too.
